I get up to mischief

I’m a very well behaved dog. Ask anyone. Well, perhaps it might be better not to ask Deirdre. She came to visit me one day and I welcomed her with my usual enthusiasm. I thought she would enjoy a little game, so I took her cardigan from the car and ran across the garden with it. I think she got a little exhausted chasing me as she tried to get it back. I’d soon had enough too, so I left the cardigan in a flowerbed. I’m sure the dirt washed out quite easily.


Perhaps it would be better not to ask my friends Ruvé and Michael either. They like it when Linda and David go away, because then I go and stay with them. They really enjoy my company as they don’t have any dogs of their own. Ruvé is actually an honorary poodle as she loves playing “tag” with me. She and Michael cook me nice meals too, like lardons and beef.


Anyway, one day I was staying there and having a really lovely time. Michael got himself a steak for supper, but somehow forgot to cook one for me. He went off to fetch something, leaving his steak behind. Then I realized that he had simply made a mistake and the steak was actually for me. So I ate it. It was delicious and I was just swallowing the last morsel when Michael came back. For some reason he was very unhappy and started shouting at me. He actually called me a “bad dog!”. (Really, I do think humans should learn to share more.) This upset me so much that I collected my red and black spotted bandana and headed home.


Ruvé and Michael found me there a couple of hours later. They were very pleased to see me, although I don’t recall that Michael actually apologized for upsetting me.

I have a frightening experience

I don’t see the point of cats. Dogs can hunt, protect their humans and fetch and carry for them. What do cats do apart from sleep? “Catch mice!” shouts Linda. True, but who has to dispose of the leftover bits of mouse? Not the cat. At least dogs bury their discarded bones.

Dogs are proper companions. We go for walks with our humans, attract admiring glances and so help them make friends. I suppose it’s easier for a cat to sleep on your bed. For some reason, David and Linda prefer me not to settle on top of them.

But I digress. The other day I was invited to Doreen and Gavin’s house for lunch. I took David and Linda with me — it’s good for them to get out and meet people. When we arrived, I did a tour of the garden to check it was safe for David and Linda to sit in. Suddenly, this black and white creature appeared in front of me. It hissed at me. It arched its back and spat at me. I admit, I was quite alarmed. What bad manners! “It’s only Kandy,” said Doreen. “She’s a very friendly cat.” Only! Friendly! I thought she was very rude to treat an important visitor in that way. But that’s cats for you.

I’m pleased to say I retained my dignity and didn’t retaliate. I quickly went to sit under a table. I’m sure I heard everyone laughing. I think it was at that wretched cat.

You can see a photo of my tormentor above - doesn't she look dangerous!

I go hunting for truffles

Strangely, there are some dogs who have to work for a living.This sounds a somewhat bizarre idea to me, but I thought I’d give it a go and help Linda and David out. It seems my meals of free-range chicken and other goodies work out quite expensive.


I decided that I would be quite good at hunting out truffles —people have often complimented me on my nose. I’ve heard that truffles are sold at places like Harrods and David sometimes uses them when cooking special meals, so I guess they are rather up-market things. Although I wasn’t quite sure what a truffle looks or smells like, or indeed how fast it runs, I had a go and snuffled around the garden a bit. I found a couple of lizards, a few wine corks and a biscuit I’d somehow overlooked, but no truffles. Apparently even a small truffle can fetch several hundred Euros — that would have bought me some rather tasty treats.

Then Ferny told me that they usually use pigs to sniff out truffles,

so I went off the idea.

My name is Rupert Leighbridge Hatfield

Hello. My name is Rupert Leighbridge Hatfield. I'm a Standard Poodle. I was born in England eight years ago. I knew, even as a young pup, that my destiny in life was to bring happiness to one lucky family. After some gruelling interviews and checks, Linda and David Hatfield were chosen as being suitable to live with me. I have heard tell that when she was told the good news, Linda gave a little yelp of happiness. David, as men do on such occasions, simply produced his cheque book.

I was sorry to say goodbye to my brothers and sisters, but I have made some lovely friends over the years — you’ll meet lots of them here too. But let me introduce you to a few now. There’s Victoria; her mother Olivia has the same pedigree as my human, Linda, so I suppose that makes us cousins. Victoria sends me lots of presents and I love her loads. There’s Ferney; he’s great fun and we have lovely romps together. Then there’s Bess. I like Bess and I think she likes me. I heard Linda talking to Bess’s human, Susan, one day. They didn’t think I could hear when they described Bess as “a bit of a trollop”. Unfortunately, I don’t know what that means, except that I don’t get to see Bess very often.

Linda appears very clever, but she does make mistakes. She told Susan that it was OK for Bess to come round as I didn’t have my “bits”. That’s not true — I know exactly where all my toys are, but Linda probably didn’t want me to have to share them with Bess.

Linda and David chose my name. David had suggested Louis or Charlie — I think he must have had too much champagne at the time. Do I look like a Louis or a Charlie? It seems when I rushed to greet Linda and David for the first time, I was mistaken for a little brown ball of fur and someone remarked that I looked just like Rupert Bear, even though he is yellow and I’m chocolate brown. But Linda seemed to understand and so I became Rupert. Here's my picture —do I look like a Louis or a Charlie?

And, my adventures were about to begin. I was moving to France.