Rupert's Christmas

Happy Christmas from Rupert

I hope all my four- and two-legged friends had a good Christmas. I helped Linda and David and their friends enjoy the day. I certainly am a popular dog.

We had a beautiful Christmas cake made by my friend Glynis. I heard a lot of “mmms” when it was eaten, so it was definitely delicious. But the best thing about it was that it had a model of me on the top! Not for me snowmen, fir trees or Santas, the only thing worthy of my cake was a chocolate Rupert.

Then, my friend Doreen gave Linda her gift. It was The Rupert Calendar 2013 and had 12 photos of me on it — one for every month, so it will keep Linda happy for a whole year.

The photo shows the calendar and the chocolate Rupert.

The humans all looked a bit silly wearing paper hats, but I kept my dignity and refused to put one on.

I got an email from my new friend Benz on Christmas Day. He was a little lonely as his humans Jean and Rob were spending the day with me. Benz has had a few more problems with his tail, but it seems to be mending nicely now. He’s still a bit afraid to go outside — I think he worries he might be taken somewhere in a car again — but I’m sure he’ll venture out soon. Perhaps we could hunt truffles together. Apparently the truffle hunting season is here again. Hope I have better luck this time.

I also got a festive photo from my tormentor, Kandy the cat. I admit she looks quite sweet but, boy, can she be fierce.

Happy New Year from Rupert.

A note from Benz

As you know, I am not a great fan of cats (Kandy cat, please note). I have, however, made an exception for Benz, the little kitten David and I accidentally transported in the car engine compartment from my house to my friends Jean and Rob’s house. They decided to keep him, so I asked Linda to buy him a present from me. She bought two toy mice — I barked my approval when she showed them to me.

Benz has written to me to say thank you and tell me a bit about his new life. That kitten has certainly landed on his paws.

You can see Benz above with my friend Jean and generally being cute. Here’s what he has to say. (Jean and Rob used to live in Scotland. I think that’s why Benz has a Scottish lilt to his purr.) Benz is only little, so I’ve taken the liberty of explaining some things that maybe won’t be clear to my readers. Here’s what Benz has to say:

“Hello Rupert, Benz here. Thank you very much for my mice. I’m sorry I hid when I saw you arrive, but you were with the man who brought me here (That’s David. Rupert). He was very kind, but I was worried about a return journey the same way as I arrived at this ideal wee nest.

“Before she flitted away and left me to go it alone when I was only six weeks old, my mother told me to think ahead. As there was a very a large brown animal around (I think he means me. Rupert) where she dumped me, I decided to find somewhere snug and warm. Soon afterwards, I heard a dreadful noise all around me (That was the car engine. Rupert) and although I was very concerned, I kept my cool. When the noise stopped and I’d stopped rolling around, I started to cry. Another human — I think that’s what mother called them — appeared and lifted me out of my wee noisy nest. (That was Rob. Rupert.)

“I was put in a box overnight with some white liquid to drink, but I didn’t sleep very well. The human came back to see me in the morning, picked me up, stroked my head and took me into a very warm place. Yet another human came and stroked me and then put me on the floor. Unfortunately, I had a little accident on the floor and she was not at all happy. Anyway, someone else brought along a neat container full of something to enable me to hide any little accidents, taught me how to use it and the humans were all happy again.

“I am treated like a wee King here. I get lots of food, have warm humans to sit on and somewhere cosy to sleep at night. I enjoy playing with the mice you gave me, Rupert. I have put one on the stairs and have the other beside me on a large sofa — I think that’s what they call it. All in all, life is pretty good thanks to you and the man who accidentally brought me here.

“I hope to see you soon, Rupert, and thank you for the stroke and kiss you sent me with Linda. I am sure in time I will be able to go through the large thing that opens onto the cold, but I’ve not been out of my heavenly pad yet — I’m still a little nervous. The one with spiky hair laughs at me (That’s Jean. Rupert). Mum would be so happy for me. If you see her, please tell her and give her my love. Tell her it’s probably time she stopped producing brothers and sisters for me. They won’t all be as lucky as me.

“Thank you again for my gifts. Between you and me, I’m slightly worried that the one with the spiky hair is off her rocker. But she means well and I’m here to look after her now.  Love to you and your human friends. Meow from Benz.”

Winter has arrived!

It’s cold out there, brrrrrrrrrrrr!

I'm a dog who likes his comfort. Give me a cosy rug in front of the fire or my bed with its three duvets and I'm a happy puppy. It’s not that I don't like a good romp in the snow now and then, who doesn't? But I don't like lots of cold — especially when I've just been to Funky Toilettage and had a lot of my fur clipped off.

I went to there yesterday, so Linda got my coat out for me to wear on our morning walk. I must say, with all due modesty, that I look pretty smart in it. That's why I don't mind wearing it, plus the fact that it helps keep me warm. I had a few good chases this morning too, which warmed me up. Didn't catch anything though. But I have heard talk about truffle hunting after Christmas. I can’t wait to show those annoying little truffles just who’s boss.

I'm lucky I guess compared to my Uncle Kuno and Aunt Polly. I heard Linda and David talking about what those two had to go though just to take their walks during the winter in Chicago. They not only had to have their coats on, but also had to have boots on as well. These were like long stockings with sheepskin soles that they had to wear on each paw. It took five minutes just for them to get ready to go for a walk. No thank you!

I even heard them say that after an ice storm David had to chop holes in the ice so they could relieve themselves without falling down on the slick ice. I can hardly imagine it.

I'll sign off now as it’s time for my afternoon nap. David's built a nice fire for me to lie in front of. And it may be chilly, but the sun is streaming in through the windows.

What a lucky dog I am.

The world’s luckiest cat

As you know I’m not overly fond of cats. But I have to congratulate a grey kitten I’m going to tell you about on being a real survivor. Here’s the story so far…

Linda heard a kitten in our bushes. It was mewing away like mad. Linda kept me in the house because she knew what I’d do to any cat that dared to come into MY garden. She couldn’t find the kitten, but she put out some milk and food by our garage and opened the side door a bit.

Next morning there was no sign of the kitten and the food hadn’t been touched. Linda asked David and me to keep a look out for the kitten as she was off to England for a short break.

After she’d gone, both David and I thought we could hear the kitten when we went into the garage to get the car out for my walk, but neither of us could find it. That evening we thought we heard it again as we left to have dinner at Rob andJean’s. Still couldn’t find it.

David drove the seven miles to Rob and Jean’s and when he stopped and turned off the engine he could hear the kitten mewing in the engine compartment! He opened the bonnet and could hear it clearly, but couldn’t see it. Later Rob came out to help look and they managed to spot it. Rob got a glove and was able to reach down and catch the kitten as David held back some hoses, leads and whatnots.

Rob and Jean said they’d keep it. They’d recently lost Bee (a dog who was my great friend) to old age, so didn’t have any animals. This was great. David called Jean the next morning and everything seemed great. The kitten was inside, eating and liked to be cuddled. There was a bit of a panic about the kitten learning how to use its litter tray, but that was resolved.

Then there was another trauma for the kitten. Rob and Jean’s neighbours, Bavo and Huggy came to visit. Huggy, who’s a vet, discovered that the kitten had a broken tail! Apparently it had been broken for some time as it was quite infected. So now the poor kitten has just over half a tail left, but is much more comfortable. 

That’s the story so far. Hopefully life will settle down now for the poor thing as it’s used up quite a few of its nine lives. Rob and Jean named it Mercedes to honour its mode of arrival. But Huggy pointed out Mercedes was a boy, so the name was changed to Benz. However, Jean rather liked Mercedes and kept calling the kitten that, but David and Linda’s wine group decided that would confuse the poor thing and voted to call it Benz. Even I wish you well, Mercedes-Benz!

I get news from Robbie

I love hearing from my friends. I thought you might like to see the email I got from Robbie of Atlanta (wonder how he voted in the elections?). He sent it to David, who was quite slow at passing it on to me. I’m beginning to wonder if I need a full-time secretary. Anyway, here’s part of Robbie’s email. I’m pleased he is not quite so deaf now. (I seem to have problems with the word ‘No”, but otherwise, I’m fine in the hearing department.) Robbie also sent me a photo. Isn’t he a handsome dog!

Here’s what Robbie had to say:

“Hi. It's Robbie from Atlanta. Sorry I had to send this to your dad; although my dad has lots of de grease, he really is quite hopeless at doing something as simple as attaching a photo, as you asked. He tried several times to send it directly to you, then gave up. (I always know when he gives up when he says ‘I need a drink’.)

“Anyway, I thought I would send you a photo of myself cleverly trading a vital phone number for a treat. Works every time. I know you have a wonderful coat, but you must admit that mine is not too shabby, although I can tell you that wearing a full fur coat in 40 degree summer here is no fun at all. That brings up my next point. I think I mentioned that I lost my hearing. I'm not letting anyone know this, but it has come back slightly. It seems that I can hear ‘dinner’, ‘treat’ and other such words, but cannot or the life of me hear ‘let's go outside’ or ‘come and get brushed’, etc. Dad says it is selective hearing, although he seems to have that down to a science himself. (‘Scotch?’ he can hear perfectly; ‘Can you help with the dishes?’ — he never looks up). Happy walks, Robbie.”

David also got an email from a friend of his called Alan. It contained the alarming news that there is another Rupert who's in America. An eight-year-old boxer of all things. I think I am going to have to copyright my name.

Meet Robbie.

My new coat

Linda and David are getting very forgetful. First of all, they forgot to invite anyone to my birthday party, so it was just the three of us celebrating. We did have a good time, but it would have been good if my friends Ferney, Barty and Bess had been there — and not just because they would have brought me presents (although that would have been very nice, of course).

I’m modeling the gift David and Linda bought me (at least they remembered to give  me something). Paris Fashion Week! London Fashion Week! They’re not a patch on the style here in Verfeil, as you can see. This tasteful coat is to keep me safe during the hunting season. Smart, isn’t it? This season’s colours too. My new coat is practical as well. Being a large brown poodle during the hunting season can be dangerous. Those tipsy hunters might just mistake me for a deer, a wild boar or even a truffle. My advice is to be better safe than sorry; if you're a large dog, wearing a bright coat is a very good idea. 

Then they forgot to take me on the Treasure Hunt, so it’s not surprising they came almost last. I would have been very good at hunting down the clues, instead I had to spend several hours amusing myself at home, so it’s no wonder I completely broke the lovely toy bone that I was given recently. Apparently Linda and David had problems sniffing out some socks that were left as treasure. I bet they regretted not taking me. I heard that even the new dog Freddie went along. I’m very pleased for him and I’m sure everyone made him very welcome, but they all missed me being there.

To be honest, I’m feeling a bit neglected at the moment. All my visitors have gone home and I haven’t heard from Robbie in Atlanta recently, or Pixie the Poodle in France and I miss their news. OK, Kandy the cat sent me a birthday card, but she is, well, a cat and doesn’t really count.

I had a nice birthday

Well, I had a very nice birthday and thank you to everyone who sent me birthday greetings. I think Ferney was jealous because David cooked me a delicious lamb supper. Glynis must have been very busy because her cake hasn’t arrived yet. I think my party has been delayed too. I heard that there was a musical evening the night before my birthday. Lots of my friends were there, Linda sang some songs and everyone had a really good time. It’s just unfortunate that Linda and David forgot to take me with them. I expect everyone there would have liked to sing Happy Birthday to Rupert. I was pleased, though, that Linda and David decided to stay at home with me on my birthday rather than go out and eat fish and chips.

Here’s a photo Victoria sent me — I think it would make a nice birthday card, although Linda might need to take a more flattering photo of me — preferably after a visit to Funky Toiletage. I might suggest that Linda starts making some. An even bigger surprise was that I got a card from Kandy the cat, which was very kind of her, but I don’t think we’ll ever be friends. Sadly, the squeaky bone that Lyn and Helen gave me last week has broken. I’m pretty sure David didn’t have anything to do with it, although I got the feeling he wasn’t pleased when I woke him up the other morning by playing with it next to his pillow.

I've heard that Linda and David are going on a Treasure Hunt next week. I hope they take me with them — I'd be good at sniffing out treasure, as long as it doesn't involve truffles.

I'm a very popular dog

I am a very popular dog. Only the other day, two of my blog followers came to France especially to see me. I’d been to Funky Toiletage the previous day, so was looking my best for Lyn and Helen. After they had admired me, they gave me some toys and treats, which was very nice of them. I thanked them with lots of licks. I’m not sure Linda and David are quite as enthusiastic about the squeaky rubber bone, but I love it.

Then my friend Glynis used me as a model on one of her lovely cakes. I hope she won’t be upset if I say that the cake was spoilt slightly because she had put a model of that horrible cat Kandy on it too. However, I think everyone will agree that I am much more handsome than any cat. I hope she doesn’t include Kandy on my birthday cake — a bone-shaped, chicken-flavoured cake with some cheese and truffles on it would be good.

On the subject of nice things, I’m pleased to say that, thanks to my help, Freddie the homeless dog has found a new forever home with a lovely couple called Val and Brian. I expect I’ll see him around as he’ll be staying in the area. I hope he’ll be invited to the party that I’m sure Linda and David are arranging for me. I might even give him a slice of my birthday cake. I just hope Glynis manages to catch enough truffles to put on it.

I've added a photo of me with my new friend Lyn and the cake Glynis made using me as a model — just ignore Kandy.

It will soon be my birthday

It’s my birthday on 28 September and I’ll be 8 years old. I’m not sure what I’ll be getting as presents. I heard David muttering something about worm pills, but I think he was joking. I know my friends are plotting something, though. I’ve heard them talking about a surprise party and a special present. They even mentioned that my friend Glynis is making a cake — I hope it’s got chicken in it. They don’t realize I know what they are talking about. I think my friend Jean has a birthday around now too, but I’m sure it must be my party they’re planning. They’d better get a move on as we need to send out the invitations soon.

My birthday means I’m Libra. Apparently Librans like to live an easy, uncomplicated life. That’s true, but looking after Linda and David makes it a bit difficult for me to do that sometimes. Librans are also apparently successful in business. Well, that’s true too — look how well I do my blog and how many connections I have on that LinkedIn organisation. Remember, any time you want my advice, you just have to ask.

Linda’s been away to the seaside for a week, so I’ve had to take extra care of David. I’ve been invited out to lunch several times and I’ve let David come with me. Well, he likes to drive me places so it’s only fair he stays for lunch too. But we’ll be glad when Linda’s back.

I’d better give you an update. It turned out the party was on Sunday — and it was for Jean after all. I didn’t mind too much as Jean is a good friend of mine and it was made clear that I was the guest of honour. There were lots of people there who made a great fuss of me. Luckily they all remembered it was actually Jean’s birthday party and made a fuss of her too. She got a lovely hat as a present. It wouldn’t have suited me, though.

Perhaps there’ll be another party for MY birthday…

I get the “chase” started

The other morning, as I took David for his morning walk up at the top of our hill, I could hear the chase dogs barking. This meant that they were over at their little meeting house. Given the time of year, it’s a clue that it’s the hunting season. I’m sure you all know, but “chase” is the French word for “hunting” — hope you’re impressed that I’m a bilingual dog.

The chase is a big deal around here. The hunters hunt for birds, rabbits and hares, deer and, most of all, wild boar. The humans keep packs of dogs to help them and, in general, a good time is had by all. I don’t think I’d want to be a chase dog, though. Yes, they get to go on serious hunts as a pack and the humans have guns, which is all pretty exciting. But, the rest of the time the dogs have to live in boring kennels. They have plenty of company of the canine kind, but no freedom. No, I think I prefer taking care of Linda and David and having hunts by myself. I get to chase everything they do, except the wild boar (wouldn’t want to try that on my own, they’re vicious creatures). I might even catch something one day. I haven’t given up hope of tracking down an elusive truffle, but they see me coming and hide.

Having heard the chase dogs, David and I stopped by the side of the lane and waited. Sure enough a minute later along came the decrepit vans the hunters use. The chase dogs were in the back. I sat by the side of the lane, wagged my tail and nodded my head to let them know I approved.

As it happened they all stopped near where we were parked. This gave me a chance to say hello. The chase dogs were friendly enough, but were preoccupied with getting started on their first hunt of the year.

We drove home. As I had breakfast, then a nap, I decided those activities were much better than chasing around all day.

I spot Linda

Every day is a new adventure for me. Today, David and I went for a runaround near home. Linda had gone off to visit a garden and vineyard with friends. They were all from her women’s group, so I wasn’t invited.

David and I were playing with a big stick in a field when I looked up and there was Linda driving past in her car. I waved the stick around — she saw me and drove up to join us. This just shows you how good my powers of observation are and why I’m such a good guard dog.

Linda had my friends Doreen and Jessie with her in the car. I really didn’t know who to lick first! I was so excited to see them all. Being able to throw the stick for me was a lovely end to their day. I would have been happy for them to fetch the stick too, but they muttered something about lunch and wine, so I think they were too tired to run around.

Anyway, David had to go and do some shopping and Linda had to take Jessie home. We all decided that Doreen would enjoy being driven home by me and David. I was happy to make sure she arrived safely and it gave us a chance to chat about my blog.

I love the postman

Most dogs aren’t very fond of postmen (or post ladies), but I love ours. Why?

Because he brings me presents.

Just the other day he brought me a nice little package from my two very favourite great nieces, Francesca and Elisa. The package had some VERY nice titbits in it plus two great drawings. Here they are:

The one above is from Francesca; she uses me as a pillow and I love her too! I think she looks very nice in the picture.

This one is from Elisa. I’m proud to say that I was her first big dog friend! I look rather fetching in red, don’t you think?

I think they’re great and I can’t wait until they come to visit me again.

 Then yesterday the postman brought me a postcard from Paris, no less.

It’s from my good friend (and ghost writer) Doreen and her husband Gavin. 

Doreen said that the dog reminded her of me. (I’d love  to go meet all the sophisticated lady poodles in Paris.)

She said the statue reminded her of David. (He’s American.)

And then she went to Marks & Spencer’s, which reminded her of Linda.

I think those were very kind thoughts and I’ll give Doreen extra licks next time I see her.

T

Getting the postcards and letters are great, but I must admit that the post I most look forward to is that from my cousin Victoria. They always have something delicious to eat in them. Yummy. Yummy. She knows the way to a dog’s heart!

Not that I’m mercenary mind you; it's just that an active dog like me gets awfully hungry and treats just hit the spot.

I get hot

We’re suffering from something called a Canny Cool at the moment. As far as I can work out, it’s the French word for a heat wave. This means I have to get up early to go for my walk before 7am as otherwise it’s too hot. Linda and David are wilting a bit in the heat, but they can always jump in the pool. We all end up seeking out the coolest places in the house and taking lots of naps. That’s not a hardship for me, but I think Linda and David should get more exercise and run around a bit. After all, they don’t have to wear a fur coat when it’s 40 degrees C. I’ve also had a report that my arch enemy, Kandy the Cat, has spent the whole day asleep under a bush.

Of course, if it were raining or cold, everyone would be complaining. I sometimes think you can’t please the humans.

I’m sorry the O Limp Picks have finished as I really enjoyed them. My favourite event was the “pass the bone” contest where four humans took turns passing a bone to each other. I don't know who was chasing them, but it looked like fun. What a noisy lot the humans were at the end, though! I didn't like that very much; it seemed to go on forever.

I seem to be getting quite a few friends on this LinkedIn thing. Nobody has asked me for advice yet though. But I have had another request for help. I’ve been told about another abandoned dog. This one is called Freddie.  My friend Anne found him, but she can’t keep him as she already has two dogs. So if anyone knows of a good home for him, I would be very pleased to arrange for you to meet him. He’s only about three or four years old and very friendly and well behaved. Let me know if you can help. Here's his photo.

I go for coffee

Don’t tell anyone, but I went to Linda’s coffee morning today. It’s really only for ladies and, as you know, I’m a macho dog. But they were all happy to see me and I welcomed everyone when they arrived. I don’t do kissing when I meet people, which is the tradition over here; I gave everyone a friendly wag of the tail instead. My special friends got a lick. Even some French people I didn’t know stopped to say hello to me.

It’s very exciting for me to go to a town — there’s so much to see and smell. I get sniffs of cats, food and people, which are different to what I’m used to in the country. I’m also aware that I have to protect Linda as there are so many humans around. Although it was nice seeing lots of friends, it was very hot and it all got a bit boring after a while, so I went to sleep under the table. Just how much noise can a group of women make? A lot, I can tell you.

I heard them talking about my starring role in Pyramus and Frisbee. I don’t know why some of the ladies started laughing, because it was very dramatic at the time  — you remember I played a fierce lion. I also provided some props as I gave them my own Frisbee to use. No one had thought to bring one along, despite it being central to the play.

They talked too about having lessons in making jewelry. I’m going to suggest that they make a fashionable collar for me to wear when we go out to dinner somewhere smart.

I have visitors

I was very busy keeping all the humans under control last week, which isn’t too difficult if you feed them lots of wine. That keeps them quiet, at least for a while, then they start getting noisy.

I was very happy because my cousin Victoria had come to see me and brought me some new toys to play with. But — and don’t tell her this —  I had the best time with a plastic water bottle. These make a very satisfying noise when you crunch them. Whenever I wanted a quieter time, though, I got out my Eyore doll and gently groomed it.

I had some pretty good food — some very nice steak from the Spanish place in nearby Albias was the best. I enjoy black dog biscuits too; they're my favourite of all the colours.

The walks were good. Even though it was a very hot week, I had two great hunts a day.

I gave Victoria lots of cuddles to show her that I was pleased she had come to see me.  I made sure Linda didn’t feel left out, so popped in to see her during the night sometimes. But one day I could hear there was a party going on in the village, so I woke Linda up at 2am and asked if we could go. She obviously didn’t want to and wasn’t very happy when I slipped out the door and she had to chase me in her nightdress.

I’ve mentioned I’m on Linkedin, so come and connect with me. They sent me something the other day, ‘Five ways to look like a leader’, which I found very strange as I thought I already did. They can’t have seen my photo. 

The photos show me with Victoria and the presents she brought me. I don't have a photo of the plastic bottle.

I'm very sociable

As you all know, I’m a very sociable dog. I’m also delighted that I’ve been able to give out help and advice through my blog. After a lot of pressure from my followers, I am now on Linkedin (www.linkedin.com). I’ve been told it’s a site for professionals, so it’s ideal for me. I’m not looking for a job, you understand (especially if it involves those irritating truffles), although if a movie role came up, I might consider it. I’m strictly freelance at the moment.

If you join me on Linkedin, I can keep in touch with you all there too and share my expertise. If you want my assistance, just ask

I get into training

Apparently, the O Limb Picks involve humans running and playing games, just like me and Ferney. They throw things, play with balls and other toys and generally have a good time. So I’m going to contact that nice Lord Coe, who seems to be in charge, and suggest the Dogs O Limb Picks. I think they should be held in Barking or the Isle of Dogs, both are near where all the humans are going to be having fun.

Here are the events:

Long distance running — I think Ferney will get a medal here.

Catch the Frisbee.

Hunt the bone.

Fetch the stick relay.

100m sprint after a cat.

Hide and seek.

Tail wagging.

Tugging contest — probably my best event.

Ball chase and return.

Obstacle course.

Find the truffle — I’ll give this a miss. I know my limitations.

Here are photos of my friends Pippa and Merlin practising. I think they might do quite well.

I'm expecting visitors

I’m very excited because my Aunty Olivia, Uncle Derek and cousin Victoria are coming to visit me in six days' time. I do manage to contain my excitement but, between us, they find it more difficult. They produce a sort of Rupert advent calendar to count off the days — you can see Aunty Olivia with it here. Of course, when they arrive, I make a great fuss of them and spoil them — not just because they bring me presents and give me treats when they’re here, but because I love them lots. I'm such a good host that I even let them play with my Frisbee and take me for long walks. This time, I might even teach them to hunt truffles and give them some tips from my drama classes.

Sadly, once they leave Linda and David are pretty strict with me and all I hear for days is, “You’ve had enough treats!”. I restrain myself and do not retaliate by saying, “And you’ve had enough wine!”. But they know what I’m thinking! Then I take a prolonged nap — all those extra walks, cuddles and games tire me out.

I am a great actor

It was my drama group today. We did a scene from A Midsummer’s Nights Dream. I played two parts — a dog belonging to the man in the moon and a lion. It’s a good job I can multi-task. I hadn’t realized the man in the moon had a dog, but I just listened to directions and improvised.

Everyone agreed that my portrayal of a lion was pretty scary. I had them running in all directions. I thought I heard Linda say that it was actually a wasp that caused the panic not me.  However, I have to be honest here — I think she was a little bit jealous because all she had to do was pretend to be a wall. How much acting is involved in standing there being a wall with a hole in it? Not that much. My lion, though, was worthy of an award.

There were a couple of unfortunate misunderstandings. It was only after I’d brought them my Frisbee that I found out they were talking about Thisbe. However, I don’t think I spoilt a particularly dramatic moment that much by dropping my Frisbee at the foot of Linda’s wall. Then, when I saw Gavin lying in the floor, I thought he’d had too much wine so I started to lick his face. In fact, he was playing dead and helping him wasn’t very lion-like behaviour. It also made him sneeze.

I hope things improve next week. I might suggest we do the Wizard of Oz. I could be Toto to Linda’s Dorothy.

I got a bit bored after a while, so I went to find David and took him for a walk.