I entertain my friends

I do enjoy entertaining. It’s lovely when my friends come round for lunch or supper — it does Linda and David good to socialize too. The problem is, these occasions can get quite boring. I always make a point of going to greet my guests when they arrive, and they all make a great fuss of me — as is to be expected. But once they’ve had a glass of wine and a few peanuts, they often forget I’m there. They’ve been known to step over me when they leave the room without acknowledging me. I think I’ve even heard people mutter, “Rupert, will you please move out of the way,” but maybe I was dreaming.

They talk about such tedious topics too. I confess I’m getting fed up with their fixation about art. Some lovely people came to visit at the weekend and the same old subject came up. Tell me, how can a book about black and white drawings generate so much interest? I must tell Linda never to buy me a plain bandana, though, even if there are 50 shades of grey to choose from. Give me red and white spots any day.

I try to steer the conversation around to dogs, but the humans’ attention span is not good and they veer off onto other subjects. What did they talk about the other day? Chickens! Donkeys! Shopping! Men cycling around France! And food. They can spend a long time discussing food. At our last lunch, I feasted on some delicious liver while they had to make do with duck and a fancy sauce.  Some of the guests even asked for the duck recipe. This was rather shortsighted of them — they might need to practice cooking the liver dish before my next visit to them. I confess, though, that I was a little jealous of the lovely cake my friend Glynis made for the occasion. I think I might ask her to make one for me for my birthday of a poodle wearing a colourful bandana. I’m sure she’ll be able to include liver or steak in it somehow