I'm not a working dog

It’s amazing that in this day and age, there are dogs who still have to work for a living. I understand that some have a vocation, like guide dogs, and others are born into their roles, like sheepdogs, but personally, I draw the line at menial tasks. As regular readers know, I have tried to help out in the past, but decided truffle hunting was not for me — they were just too quick for me to catch.

Take Twister. He’s a friend of a friend. He likes to pretend he’s a guard dog — that’s OK, I do that too. We both give a few barks at the postman to show him who’s boss. But Twister actually goes and fetches the post too! Can you believe that? I didn’t think it could possibly be true, then one of my informants sent me a photo. There’s no doubt about it — Twister definitely has the weekly advertising circulars in his mouth. There’s no excuse for it, unless there’s a special offer on dog biscuits at Lidl and he’s bringing it to his humans’ attention. Somehow, I don’t think that’s the case. “He’s trying to be helpful,” said Linda. Perhaps. But I think it’s a step too far. Next thing you know, they’ll be sending me off to get the bread and croissants. Besides, if we dogs did all the work, what would our humans do? They like to keep busy and I know Linda and David really enjoy cooking me tasty meals, brushing me, taking me for a walk, playing with me and generally making me happy.

Needless to say, I also send my humans to fetch the post. I watch them carefully, though, in case there’s a large parcel. Large parcels are usually addressed to me. They generally come from Victoria, who sends me nice gifts from England. If Linda or David bring in a large parcel, I have to sniff it carefully to check whether it’s from Victoria. If it’s not, I let them open it themselves as it’s likely to be something quite boring.

I’m now going to go and have a serious woof with Twister. He’s giving us dogs a bad name. (I've included his photo so you can recognise him.)